This is certainly not the picture I expected to be posting
today, on the day on which our wedding was scheduled. However, I’ve accepted the fact
that this is the reality. I’ve come a
long way since Jacque passed, and I feel proud of the progress I’ve made.
I’m also incredibly thankful for the gifts Jacque left
me. The years I spent with her are time
I’ll always treasure. I wouldn’t change
anything about that time, other than to make it last longer. However, the things I’ve discovered after she
left are the most striking to me.
The events of the past year have impacted far more
relationships than just the one I had with Jacque. Close friends have become closer, old friends
have come back into my life, and new people have appeared – people that
I never would have met, had I not experienced this terrible event.
I’ve also realized how much Jacque did to prepare me for
life after she left. We talked about the
house, the kids, and life. But it never
felt like planning. It felt like reassuring. We weren’t talking about “life after Jacque.” I don’t know what we were talking about, but
it made me feel more comfortable, and it wasn’t until much later that I
realized that. I don’t know what kind of
jedi mind tricks she was using, and I certainly don’t know how she did it while
she was sick, but I have no doubt that it was those conversations that have
made me feel like I can get through this, and get through it healthy. That's not to say there haven't been sad days, angry moments, & things I wish we would have said or done - there definitely have been, but I'm at peace with all of it.
I’ve often said that Jacque was the kind of person that you
want to be a better person. That’s the
legacy I carry with me in her honor, and it has made me a better person in all
of my relationships. So while we’re not getting
married today, I carry a part of Jacque with me, as I always will.
