I went to my first support group meeting tonight. If you would have told me five years ago that I'd be going to a support group for anything, I would have said you were crazy. But, here we are, and there I was.
I don't know what I was expecting. This was a "Young Widow/Widower" group, and the age range was a couple of us in our mid (ok, late) 30's up to people in their 60's. It was nice to talk about all these challenges with some like-minded people, but other than one other recently-widowed person, all of them were at least a year ahead of me. The scariest part? Some of them are struggling. Badly. It's hard to be six weeks in and hear that "the second year is really hard." I don't know when I thought rock bottom would be, but I surely wasn't thinking it wouldn't be for a couple years.
I don't know what I was hoping to get out of this group. Whatever it was, I'm not sure if I found it. I certainly didn't feel better afterwards. It was comforting to hear that they were all impressed that a couple of us were there so close to our loss. If the goal is to know it's ok to grieve, that it will take time, and that there will be a "new normal," great. I already know all those things. I suppose I'll go back, but I'm not sure this is for me. The conversations I've had with widows in my circle of friends, colleagues and acquaintances have been much more comforting to me. Perhaps it's because they're my age, are in my circle, or just have more in common with me.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty good. There have been some highs and lows this week, but I'm continuing to learn those triggers and work to manage them. Grief management is a lot of damn work, but that's ok, I'm a good worker.
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