I found that when Jacque died, I was often sitting alone in a silent house. Music wasn't comforting for me. Every song seemed depressing because it was about something sad, or I just interpreted it as sad. Up until recently, I was never really one who thought that a song spoke to me. I really didn't even listen to the lyrics. I liked a song if it had a good beat, which makes me sound like I'm on Dance Fever (kids, you'll have to YouTube that). Sitting in silence didn't help my mood, and I really don't think it helped me grieve, either. I don't think I was doing it consciously, I was just in such a fog.
But now, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting back to a normal level of functioning. I can't stand any silence, and I'm back to singing around the house #tonedeaf. And it feels good! Even songs that aren't the happiest of topics feel good to hear. I mean, if you're rocking out to The Cure, you've got to be doing something right! Maybe on the days when I'm sick of writing about grief, I'll write about music. I like that, Jacque would have liked that, and I think it fits with the mission with which we started this blog.
Until then, here's that upbeat song with downbeat lyrics that I was singing in the car this afternoon.
Finding something positive , no matter how small, in everyday is a good step forward. Keep it up - it will serve you well on the dark days! LOL
ReplyDeleteIronic.... just yesterday I stumbled across "Rod Tuffcurls and The Bench Press" and noticed they have a couple WI shows in the Madison area near the end of May. Jacque always wanted us to do a Rod Tuffcurls GNO, but the WI shows were few & far between and often did not work out with life schedules. It's funny how a simple thing like music can trigger memories and touch your soul & help guide us a little bit on the grief journey.
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